As You Like It
by ghostdominion6
Summary: Loosely connected love stories, told by a poet who has consumed too much HAM and CHEESE. Neptune and Noire... consummate their relationship! Nepgear does... something too! IF also has a subplot? Sequel is out already?


**Chapter 1: Awakening the Chaos (?)  
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'Twas an average night in Gamindustri when the world shook. One action would shape the fate of the universe in a whole new direction forever. However, those at the center of this calamity trigger had no knowledge of the scope in which their actions would reach.

Yes, for on this otherwise-average night, two landmasses had become one!

Behold! On the landmass known only as Planeptune, inside of a rather untidy bedroom, lay two prominent figures of the world. Two women, two CPUs, one moment! On this night, Lady Purple Heart and Lady Black Heart united, after many years of fighting for superiority! Planeptune and Lastation were no longer sworn enemies, but loving companions!

...Hm, wait, so you mean to tell us that this calamity trigger is that Neptune and Noire had sex and began a relationship? I'm failing to see where catastrophe comes into play here... Oh, uh whoops, I'm interrupting... whoever is reading. Sorry about that...

What events could have transpired to lead to this divine outcome? Perhaps all of the CPUs visited Neptune on their time off from work, and Noire's tsundere tendencies got the better of her. Maybe Noire invited Neptune out for dinner, which was totally not a date or anything. Who knows; maybe Noire was attacked by naked butlers and Neptune became her knight in shining armor. Whatever occurred between the two is irrelevant; what matters most here is the resolution. In love, it matters not how two hearts join, but rather that the two hearts do join.

...Wow, that's not really a family-friendly Aesop, is it? Shouldn't the journey be more important than the destination? Uh, what do I possibly know? Let's let him continue to spout more nonsense. I'll shut up now...

Hark! The goddesses speak! What could their holy mouths ex-posit to us at this blessed moment!

"Whew... you alive there, Noire? Thought your head was gonna go POOF! or somethin'" Neptune proclaimed to the night air. She lay stroking the twin-tailed-goddess' hair, exhaustion prominent in her actions.

"Ye..yeah, I'm fine." Noire quietly responded, her head still in the clouds. How many long, dreary nights had she spent yearning for this very moment? To hold her ditzy purple-haired moe-blob in her arms, and to give herself up to her for the rest of eternity? Oh, how the pixelated angels must be smiling down upon her today!

"Awesome! Think you're up for another round?" Neptune innocently asked, trying her best to look like a little child. Her voice was rather loud at that moment, causing Lastation's goddess to flinch a bit.

"Ah! Don't speak so loud! S...someone will hear you!" Noire retorted, hesitation present in her features.

"I'm preeeetty sure someone would have heard us already, Noirey. I mean, a few minutes ago, it sounded like an entire orchestra in here ~" With that, the black-haired tsundere blushed and looked away. Perhaps her passion had gotten the best of her. Why, these two joined goddesses were not the only ones present in this house that night. No, Nepgear, Histoire, and Compa were definitely somewhere in this dojo of newly-found glorious love. What would they think if they had heard what had just transpired between these two rival Console Patron Units? Why, Noire would probably die right on the spot.

Either way, she couldn't even pretend to not want to take up Neptune's offer; She'd accept it every moment of the day if that was physically possible. However, Noire could barely hold on to her breath at this time. She sighed and looked at her new lover.

"A...A...Anyways, you took a lot out of me tonight, so I... have to decline for now... But I'll be fine in the morning!" She exclaimed immediately, and flashed a sheepish smile afterwards. Neptune grinned, and glomped Noire with full power.

"You're just too adorable, Noirey. Seeing you so desperate is awesome." She cooed happily while rubbing their faces together. "Hm, maybe we could do it in the shower tomorrow! Ooh, that'll be fun!" The purple-haired girl declared, even louder than she had been speaking before.

Noire blushed a deeper red than she ever blushed before, which had happened a lot on this fateful evening. "Quiet! Geez, you idiot..." she mumbled, though with a smile forming at her lips. The two star-crossed lovers gazed dreamily into each others' hazy eyes. Lo! Has mere mortal eyes ever glimpsed upon an angelic scene such as this!

"I love you, Noire." Neptune said in the most serious tone she has ever spoken before. Noire was taken aback; Neptune never spoke like this, even in her HDD form. She felt herself melt at these glorious four syllables; never could so much be conveyed in such a small amount of words.

"I love you, Neptune." With that, nothing more needed to be declared; everything was crystal clear. A kiss was inevitable; had it not occurred, the gods above would have rebelled against the very fabrics of society. And the resulting kiss would not disappoint even the most stubborn individuals. Bliss permeated their every being.

After what must clearly have been an eternity all on its own, the two goddesses separated. A few more precious moments passed, when finally Neptune opened her mouth to speak.

"Man, I'm hungry! Can you make me a sammich, Noirey? Pweeeeeety pweeeaassssseee...?"

Noire was taken aback once again that night, and softly swatted Neptune over the head. "Should've expected it was too good to be true for you to be serious once in your life. You're hopeless..." The tsundere shook her head, but held the ditz close. Neptune was lazy, dense, a complete airhead, and way too hyper for her own good. And Noire wouldn't have her any other way. Neptune was the girl of her dreams, and her dreams had come true.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2: Reach Out to the Truth<strong>

A truly special event had clearly transpired that night, but the universe works in wondrous ways. For, on another side of the planet, on the landmass of Leanbox, two others were discovering the bond they too had formed over the years. Who else could possibly be kindling their love on this average night? Only one way to find out!

IF stirred in her sleep; yet another restless night, it seemed. The world of dreams, as you probably know, is a rather abstract place. In this world, neither time nor logic has meaning. However, for the young IF, the dream world tonight reflected the day's very events. How convenient for us anxious onlookers!

Once again, she experiences finding the letter in her mailbox, inviting her to Lady Green Heart's residence. She sees herself walk up to the entrance, and being ushered in by an overly-excited Chika. There, IF reunites with 5pb, Cave, and Vert herself, after months of being separated. Here, the dream becomes incredibly blurry and incoherent: one moment, she is playing games with the goddess; another, she is listening to the idol sing,; and yet another, she is being dragged by the oracle of Leanbox to try some new flavor of tea. The last thing Iffy sees is her and 5pb sitting on a hill somewhere, talking about life itself. One last blur, and the dream is over.

IF slowly opens her eyes and briefly looks around the room. It wasn't hers, that's for certain. She was about to sit up, but a violent headache surfaced throughout her temples at that very moment.

"Aw, crap! What the hell?" she swore blatantly to no one in particular. Never before had she felt such pain in her head. It was then that she realized that she had no recollection of the night before. Sure, the brief glimpses from her dreams were present in her memories, but they didn't come near to showing everything that happened.

Eventually, the migraine settled down a bit, and she began to sit back up. Once more, though, she was interrupted. However, instead of an instant flash of pain, she was halted by the soft grasp of someone's hand. IF couldn't help but yelp in shock.

"Don't go yet, baby..." a soft voice mumbled, the sound obscured by pillows. Iffy gulped and looked next to her. Lying beside her was a face-down girl with long, beautiful blue hair. She was visibly naked, the blankets only covering the most vital points of her bodies. The brunette's spine shivered, and she broke out in a cold sweat. 5pb, Gamindustri's star idol, was lying naked next to her in bed. 5pb, her FRIEND, was lying naked next to her in bed.

"O...oh God, what have I done!" IF screamed uncharacteristically hysterically, and lurched upwards. The blunette idol lovingly raised her face towards her friend and smiled.

"Why are you yelling, Iffy? Come lie back down, please~" she whispered seductively. She lightly caressed IF's face and giggled softly. This only served to confuse the brunette even more.

"Wh...wh...wh...what are you doing, 5? What... happened last night?"

"Don't be so formal, Iffy. Please, call me Lyree, like you did last night~"

IF had never felt so disoriented in her entire life. Why was the usually reserved Lyrica she knew acting so... seductive? What happened? And why was her head in such intense pain?

"This isn't right, 5. I mean, we're friends. We shouldn't be doing... whatever we're doing... or did." Iffy began to get out of the bed, but she glanced down at 5pb, who was giving her the most adorable puppy dog eyes in the history of the universe. Why, the pixelated angels themselves would not have been able to resist such eyes if they used all of their strength.

"So, you're just going to leave me after saying all those wonderful things last night? You're... gonna break all of your promises so soon?" The idol sniffed, tears threatening to form at her graceful eyes. "Even after you ruined me for marriage..."

IF nearly passed out at that line, but she managed to hang on. "R..r..r..r..r..r..ruined you for...m..m..m...m..m..m..marriage!" The headstrong brunette couldn't believe what she had just heard. Surely, this wasn't what it sounded like...

"You made love to me last night, remember? You...said you loved me since the first time you heard my music, and promised to take me as your wife. We were gonna tell Cave and Vert and Chika the news today, and we were going to... discuss the plans for our wedding. D..d..don't you remember?" Finally, 5pb broke down in tears, and covered her face in her pillow.

IF swore she was dreaming, but Alas! Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Truth be told, the brunette did have feelings for the pop idol, but whether those feelings translated to marriage at this stage, she couldn't possibly say. While she had absolutely no recollection of last night's events, she knew that if what Lyrica said was true, she needed to uphold her promise. Especially if she... ruined her for marriage.

"Ah, p..please don't cry... Lyree. I'm sorry, I'm just confused, is all. Had a bad dream that shook me up, I guess. I...I would never break a promise with you. If I said that we were going to get married, then... I meant it!" IF proclaimed, though she wasn't exactly confident in her words. How'd she get herself in this type of mess?

Lyrica looked up at IF, her tears subsiding. "Do...do you really mean it, Iffy?"

Iffy saw the idol's loving gaze, and instantly questions she never knew she had were answered. "Yeah, of course I do." She smiled back at the blunette.

Lyrica instantly embraced Iffy and kissed her stunned lips. After a moment, IF broke the kiss, and with a blush, stood up.

"I..I'll be right back, Lyree. I'm... just gonna use the bathroom for a sec." With that, the brunette fighter quickly waltzed out of the room in search of the nearest restroom.

5pb smiled to herself, and quickly looked towards the overly-large blinds covering the windows. "You guys can come out now." she called, in somewhat of an annoyed tone. Instantly, Chika proudly strolled on out, followed by a bashful-looking Vert and a hesitant-seeming Cave.

"That was perfect, 5! She's totally eating out of your hand now!" Chika squealed in delight. Cave sighed, and Vert smiled embarrassingly.

"I kinda feel bad. I mean, is it right to trick her like this? Nothing actually happened last night, right? You just gave us that strange-smelling tea..." Lyrica asked in an irritated fashion. She really did love IF, but Chika had concocted this ridiculous scheme that she had been roped into following.

"Oh, it's perfectly fine! You two are just so cute together! We just couldn't stand to see you two deny yourselves any longer. This was the perfect way~. Don't you agree, Vert?"

"Hm, well, I guess it seems to have been a successful endeavor. I wish you two the best of luck."

Lyrica sighed, and looked at Cave for some advice. The woman in the maid outfit just shrugged and shook her head. "Shouldn't you two be concerned with more important issues? I mean, you're the oracle of Leanbox, if you forgot already." Cave understandably questioned. Chika slapped Cave on the back, and laughed heartily. Her reasonable question will remain unanswered.

5pb blushed some more, and asked one more question. "What do I do when... she discovers she didn't ruin me for marriage? I mean, I can't really hide that..."

Chika's eyes sparkled once more, and she laughed to the morning air once again. "Who's to say she didn't tarnish you already? I have a few pictures that seem to tell a story in that regard..."

"Wh..what! Nothing happened last night, right? RIGHT!"

"I'm not telling~"

"Where are those pictures! LET ME SEE THEM!"

"Never~ ... whoa, 5 is kinda scary when she's flustered, huh?" The idol chased Leanbox's oracle around the room frantically. Lady Green Heart could only smile, and quietly snuck out of the room. Cave would have questioned where she was going, but she was more preoccupied with preventing the girls from killing each other.

"What did you put in those drinks!"

"Nothing!...Just a little imported tequila..."

"ARGH!"

Meanwhile, IF stood in the hall and greeted the approaching Vert with a knowing smile. Vert winked and flashed a thumbs up. What could this meeting possibly be concerning?

"Nothing happened last night, did it?" IF asked with a smirk on her face.

"Lyrica doesn't need to know that, now does she?" Vert replied in a blunt manner. What's this? Could Miss IF have been feigning ignorance to everyone including myself! Truly astounding! Chika had 5pb play a prank on the battle-hardened brunette, and Vert outwitted them by leading Chika to actually fall for her very own prank, and by having IF appear to fall for the trick! So, IF revealed her long-held feelings for the idol by manipulating the whole scene into having Lyrica admit her own true feelings through a craft-fully concocted lie! Amazing... if not confusing as all hell to the average reader!

Whatever the case, another pair of lovers have been grouped together at long last, albeit in a rather unconventional way.

How satisfying, faithful voyeurs, this scene at hand is! A night of deception seems to have brought us to this fantastic conclusion. What will this relationship between the two humans bring about? Who knows! Why, I believe that I hear wedding chimes in the soft, crisp air! Only time will tell, however...

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: Sincerely <strong>

Ah, yes, time: The ever-moving voyager of the night. While us mere mortals must stop and rest at various inevitable intervals, time continues to strut forth, never halting to catch its breath. A lot can happen in a short amount of time, whilst very little can happen in a long stretch of time. Such is the case with love: in some cases, love blooms upon first contact. Love at first sight is a powerful archetype of romance stories, as most of us can attest to. We all dream of finding that one special person to share the rest of our lives with. We pray for the day when we stumble into the path of our long-awaited lover, for that moment when our fates finally align, and we become complete.

However, love is not always so cut-and-dry. Sometimes, love needs time to develop. Maybe a month, maybe a year, maybe even a few decades love will need before it catches up with some of us. One day, you may be sworn enemies, who view each other only as rivals. Once time works its devious magic, however, you're feelings may have radically changed, and now your rival is the center of your very soul and being. Ah, yes, time is a mysterious and powerful thing...

In any case, no tale of romance is complete without some form of book end. So, let us drop in on our star-crossed CPU lovers once more, on the very same morning as the previous breakthrough...

Neptune and Noire lightly stepped out of the shower, giggling softly and holding hands.

"That was so awesomesauce, wasn't it?" Neptune gleamed. Noire could only nod; she was very prone to have her head get sent up to the clouds. The two goddesses wrapped themselves in towels and cautiously snuck back into Neptune's room; they didn't want to get caught by anyone like this.

Once back in the room, Neptune picked up some of the clothes that were sprawled around the already messy room, and tossed Noire her dress. "Thanks." Noire replied, and she quickly found her undergarments and put those on. She glanced over at Neptune, who seemed to be deep in thought. A rather peculiar sight, to say the least.

"Hey, something the matter?" the tsundere asked. Neptune stared at her disheveled room for a bit more, then sighed.

"Man, this room is messy. Why hasn't Nepgear cleaned it yet? It's so unlike her, you know?"

"Um, isn't this your room? Why don't you clean it?"

"Noirey, you know me! I'd die if I exerted that much effort! Nepgear hasn't even come up here for weeks, now! Maybe... maybe she doesn't love me anymore!" Neptune cried, and ran to Noire. Noire sighed, and rubbed her back.

"Don't get any stupid ideas. Nepgear still loves you. Maybe she's been busy with other things. You know, like all that work that you should do once in a while..."

"Maybe, or... Ohmygosh! What if... Nepgear has a boyfriend! Oh no, I bet it's some creep who's gonna take advantage of her bashful charms. This I can't allow!" Neptune thrust her index finger to the heavens as she loudly declared this statement. Such tender, raw emotion! The bond between two sisters is truly astounding!

"Don't get any crazy ideas! I mean, even if she was dating someone, I don't think it would be wise to interfere, you know. And, I still think we should address this working issue..."

"Follow me, Noire! We've got to visit her Chirper page. We'll find this creep and give him what's coming to him!"

Noire was rushed downstairs before she could even reply. She watched as Neptune accessed Nepgear's Chirper page, and scrolled through her various postings. She came upon a recent one, posted just yesterday. It said "We're holding hands in public. I'm so happy ^_^"

The purple-haired girl stared at this posting, and Noire could actually see the flames emanating in her eyes. There was the incriminating evidence Neptune had hoped she wouldn't find.

At that very moment, as if willed by the polygonal fates themselves, Nepgear came down the stairs, dressed in a slightly more fancy version of her usual attire.

"Oh, hi Neptune. Oh, and Noire's here too? Sorry Noire, I didn't know you were here." Nepgear politely remarked, as she smiled and bowed towards Lady Black Heart. Noire blushed at her formal greeting, but said nothing.

"Hey, Nep Jr. Where ya' goin' this early in the mornin'?" Neptune asked, suspicion prevalent in every aspect of her being right now. Nepgear giggled nervously, shrinking under her older sister's intimidating gaze.

"Oh, I'm just going shopping with.. a friend. There's always sales this early in the morning." She replied with a smile, though a little hesitation was present. "Whelp, I'd better be going. I'll be back later. Nice seeing you, Miss Noire." And with that, the CPU Candidate was gone.

"Grr, he's already got her brainwashed. I'mma kick this guy's putooey when I find him!" Neptune raged to herself. Noire closed her eyes and smiled.

"Look, it's cute that you care about your sister so much, but she has to grow up sometime. I mean, you can't protect her forever."

"We'll see about that. Noire, what would you do if Uni was dating some creepy guy with several moles and a criminal record the size of Lowee's landmass? Would you let her continue on her merry little way?"

Noire stopped to think for a bit. "Well... I guess I'd be really upset. But, I trust Uni. She would never date somebody like that."

"Well, then I guess her Chirp is just a figment of my imagination..." Noire looked at Neptune with a questioning look, and slowly moved closer to the computer. There, on the screen, was a message that made the twin-tailed girl's very spine shiver:

"I...I'm so excited. I'm gonna have my first kiss today, I think. I've waited for this moment for a while now...I can't wait... (^_^;)"

Noire stared blankly at the screen, and Neptune could also see flames in her eyes. The post was made about ten minutes ago. Noire grabbed Neptune's hand and clenched it tight.

"Neptune, we are gonna hunt down these creeps and make them wish they were dead." Black Heart hissed.

"Uh, Noirey, you're making a really scary face right now... but yeah! Yessiree! We're gonna beat these punks down. I won't allow anyone to take my Nep Jr! I hereby forbid it!" With this, the new lovers raced out the door, prepared to tackle the creeps dating their sisters. Their passion is quite moving, although, as you may have already concluded, it is leading to quite a rash situation here. Had they only looked back at Nepgear's Chirp feed for one more moment, they would have read her most recent post that would have shed so much more light on this situation. But alas! Such is life...

* * *

><p><strong>Finale: Go Love and Peace<strong>

Nepgear approached the hotel that her crush had rented, nervously holding onto a bundle of roses. In one minute, their first actual romantic date would occur. Her heart was fluttering, but the purple-haired CPU Candidate was happy. Today would be the greatest day of her life. Today, she'd officially become someone's girlfriend.

Behold! Who is that exiting the hotel's grand doors? All sound is muted in an instant. The hearts of every viewer beats intensely with each passing moment. Who, oh who, will exit through that door?

At long last, the most important moment of her life has arrived! The hotel door softly opens, and the object of her affections surfaces. See how Nepgear's eyes spring to life at the site of this mysterious enigma slowly walking towards her. Quiet down, everybody! This fateful encounter is occurring right now, here, at this point in time. How glorious!

"Hi, Nepgear." Uni greeted shyly, a large blush present on her features. Nepgear's face lit up brighter than it ever had before, and she lifted the roses in front of her.

"Morning Uni... I brought these for you." Nepgear said with the brightest smile Uni had ever seen. The young Lastation CPU Candidate blushed immensely, and smiled.

"Nep...Gear..." Uni carefully clasped the flowers, and sniffed them. "They're beautiful..."

"They reminded me of you." Nepgear giggled softly, realizing how cheesy she sounded just then. The two looked into each others' eyes for a long moment in time. Funny how, even though time is ever flowing, it still has the power to freeze at just the right moments.

"I love you Nepgear..." Uni declared, and a weight was lifted off of her shoulders. How long had she waited to say those blessed words? Time had finally caught up. The moment was now.

The two CPU Candidates leaned in and shared a kiss that resounded all the way to the farthest reaches of the heavens. Both the pixelated angels and the polygonal fates sighed with happiness at the scene below them. No day could possibly be more holy than this one. If ever perfection had a day, it would be today...

Alas, my faithful audience, my tale as I see it is finished. Of course, these lovers' tales are far from over, but to detail every upcoming event in their lives would take centuries. Some things are better left to the imagination. Maybe someday, their ongoing lives will be chronicled, whether by my pen or another intrepid voyager's. Perhaps you feel like you are up to the challenge? For the sake of these and many other lovers out there, I pray that you too will be inspired to continue their journeys through the winding road known only as life. Til that day arrives, however, I bid thee all ado...


End file.
